This is me...

as I read one more rejection email for a job that I know I would be a great fit for.

as the feeling of despair permeates my bones.

as I feel the grief of losing a career that I saw as my life's calling.

as everything within me wants to give up.

as I look at my wife and daughters knowing that I have no way to support them.

as the options are nonexistent.

as the pain of not knowing if you will ever get to the other side overwhelms your body.

as I can't take the rejection anymore.

as the sand of the hourglass runs out with the last of the money.

when I can't fake optimism anymore.

when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

when I cling to the hope that my God is not far off, but promised to be with me through it all!

I am in the toughest season of my life. I started looking for a new role in church ministry in 2019 after I graduated with my Masters. I went into this search to start a new chapter with great optimism, eagerness and prayer. I polished up the resume and started looking at new ministry opportunities and applying to the ones that I thought would be perfect for our family. Each time, came the no. Then I changed my approach with a new resume, and I got some interviews with the same no. I broadened my search and continued to evaluate what I wanted to do with my life. Then 2020 happened, so I chipped in to keep our church going and kept applying with the same lack of success. We had some transition in our church and I cranked up the intensity of the search and all I got was high blood pressure.